So, the other day we went to Costco to stock up on basics; flour, sugar, butter, eggs.  I go through so much of these things that it’s crazy.  Anyway… as we were carrying the groceries in it hit me.  25 lbs. That’s how much weight I’ve lost since I started doing Weight Watchers at the end of January of this year.  30 lbs total since the beginning of this year.  It doesn’t seem like that much to me because I am disgusted that I was as big as I was, and I’m still wearing the same clothes that I was before (they just actually fit me now).  But, 25 lbs is significant.  That’s the weight of a small child, (my son until the age of 3.5) and a Costco bag of flour, or sugar.  Those are kinda heavy and kinda awkward…. And that’s how much weight I’ve lost.  I think that’s pretty cool.  And it’s enough of an incentive to want to keep it off and continue losing.

I recently went to San Francisco with my awesome Mom in Law (and NO kids) and had a blast.  We walked and rode the bus EVERYWHERE and actually ate pretty healthy.  It was encouraging to come home from a vacation and not have gained any weight.  However, I haven’t yet got back into the swing of things since being home the last few weeks, I’m not counting points, and not religiously exercising.  I need a kick in the pants to get me going again. 

I have a weigh in on the 27^th.  The first of the monthly weigh ins at Pavitts.  If I can keep the weight I lost off during the Lose2Win contest for a whole year, they will give me $100.  That I can do.  I think I need these contests to really stay motivated.  I knew my chance of winning the $1000 for the Lose2Win was slim, but this one I think I pretty much have that $100 in the bag.

Additional motivation factors: I recently went to see an orthopedic surgeon.  Up until this time I was getting all my info from my chiropractor.  I didn’t really hear anything I hadn’t heard all ready, but I wanted to hear it from a surgeon I guess.  What I did get was an idea of exactly how severe my problem was.  The normal hip is supposed to have sockets.  I don’t have any on either hip, and because of that, my hip bones have slid up and are wearing in an areas that it shouldn’t.  I walk like a gimp because my left leg is a couple inches shorter than my right.  It is also bone on bone, in addition to all the nasty degenerative arthritis and bone cysts (caused by the inappropriate wear). This is extremely abnormal in someone my age, and he said 5 years ago they could have gone in and cleaned it out so I could put off hip replacement surgery.  Well, 5 years ago my hips didn’t bother me as much as say my knees… Anyway.  Because I am so young, and hip replacements only last 20 years tops, I was told to put it off as long as I possibly can, because I will need to have the hip replacements replaced after they wear out.  I was told to continue losing weight, and told to get really good health insurance (right now I don’t have any).   I was also told that because of the severity of my situation, the doctor here wouldn’t touch me.  I’ve got to travel to Seattle to get this done.  Yay.

I am in so much pain every day… I don’t know that “as long as possible” is going to be very long.  SO… I am aiming for 75 lbs.  I am going to keep chugging along until I’ve lost 75 more lbs (3 more bags of flour) and see how I’m feeling then.  If there isn’t a huge improvement in the pain levels, then I’m going to go to Seattle and get it taken care of.  If I continue to lose in the same speed I’m currently losing, I should be able to do in a little more than a year.  Cheer me on, I’m going to need all the help I can get.

Okay, so the Lose2Win contest final weigh in was today.  I stripped down to the bare minimum clothing that I dared, and headed to the gym. I got funny looks walking into Pavitt's Gym and out of the pouring rain and low 50 temps in shorts (the glare from my bright white legs was blinding, and the hair on them didn't tone them down at all), T shirt, and bright green flip flops, but it paid off.  According to them, I've lost 2.5 pounds this last week.  I'm sure a lot of that had to do to the fact that I usually weigh in in whatever I've been wearing throughout the day, but I will take it!  That makes it a total of 18.7 pounds lost in the 13 weeks of the contest, that's 5.5% of my body weight.  I've lost 23.1 lbs since I signed up for Weight Watchers online, and 29.4 lbs since the beginning of January when I stepped on the scale and decided the ridiculousness MUST stop.  My chart zig zags up and down but consistently goes down so that is what is important.

Other excellent news is I can now wear my wedding ring.  Yay!  It's still a tight fit, but it doesn't feel like I have to cut my finger off to get the ring on and off and that's a very good thing.  It's all tarnished and dingy looking but it's the real deal and it's nice to be wearing it again.  I've missed it so.

I also went to the chiropractor today for the first time in 2 or 3 years.  It was scary, but the pain in my hip isn't getting better with the weight loss and I'm tired of feeling trapped and crippled in my body.  So, it's time to suck it up and do something about it.  I didn't get good news, or really any news that surprised me, but I went and that's all that matters.  I am hoping to be a little more mobile by the end of the month.

Microwave Dinners

I know this is going to come as a shock to some of you, but I don’t always want to cook or bake.  I know!  Shocking, isn’t it?!  Some days I just want food to magically appear, and I want it to be magically delicious, healthy, AND something everyone in my family would like to eat.  Yeah, I know… FAT chance, but a girl can dream can’t she???  Today was one of those days.

I don’t know what it is about Monday’s lately, but they have really sucked.  I know that Monday’s usually suck for people with day jobs, but they shouldn’t suck for a stay at home mom like me.  Monday should be like every other day for me, so it must just be my attitude.  And I’m sure that the fact that it is the day I weigh in for the stupid lose2win contest doesn’t help either.  Today I know it had a great deal to do with the fact that I got 1 hour of sleep last night. 

Anyway… I’ve been waiting for food to magically appear all day today and it never did.  Go figure.  The most cooking I did involved melting down some adorable, purple, bunny shaped marshmallows so I could make my adorable little girl a peanut butter/marshmallow fluff sandwich for lunch.  I decided that tonight would be a good night to have a “choose your own dinner at the grocery store” kind of night.  I also thought it would be a good chance to try out a weight watchers frozen meal.

My feelings towards microwave dinners aren’t fantastic.  They are expensive, usually taste nasty, and have enough sodium to kill the entire slug population of Juneau- possibly Alaska. This said, I do have to admit that every once in a while I break down and buy one in hopes that THIS time it will taste good.  THIS time it will even slightly resemble the gorgeous picture on the box.  THIS time it will be satisfying.  THIS time it will be different.  THIS… was not one entirely one of those times. 

After collecting the taquitos for the boy, hot dogs for the girl, and the half pound of jalapeño cheddar (for grilled cheese) for the hubby, I carefully maneuvered the massive, cumbersome, yellow race car cart down the freezer isle.  I stood dumbfounded as I stared through the glass at the choices.  I had intended to try one of Weight Watchers SmartOnes but found myself drawn towards the HealthyChoice meals instead.  I think that the SmartOnes pictures didn’t look good to me, and if the pictures don’t even look good, the chances of the food being good are even less.  

Freezer meals are the only things that I justify judging by the cover.

I went with the Healthy Choice Oven Roasted Chicken, with 15g of Protein, 5g of Fiber, 230 calories, and 7pointsplus.  “Chicken Tenderloins in Homestyle Gravy, Vegetables, Whipped Potatoes & Peach Multigrain Crisp.”  Okay, so I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised by this meal.  It was good, it kinda resembled the picture, and didn’t totally disappoint.  My biggest complaint was that when it was gone, I was thinking I probably could easily eat about 3 of them.  What can you expect for 7pointsplus?  It would make a good snack or light lunch, but didn’t cut it for dinner.  I had Ken make me a 7point grilled cheese in addition.  I guess I could have made myself a salad, but it didn’t magically appear so… you get my drift.  Any of you have healthy alternative microwave meals that you like?

On a different note, last weeks weigh in was a bust with a 2.4 pound gain that I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised about.  Today’s weigh in was much better with a 5.2 pound loss.  Those are the kind I like.  I think the difference was the food choices I made.  I never eat more than my daily/weekly allowance of points, but this week I made even more effort, choosing smarter choices to use up points, and eating a lot more zero point values fruits and veggies. That 6 pointsplus bowl of peanut butter cap’n crunch (3/4cup cereal and 1 cup 2% milk) is a relatively low point choice as far as cereal is concerned(and a tasty one at that), but the higher point value raisin bran or grape nuts is probably better for me and keeps me satisfied longer, so I’ve been eating that instead.

I am finding myself more and more excited to get below 300 pounds.  I haven’t been in the 200 pound range since before my eldest was born over 5 years ago and it’s time.  I am aiming to get there in the next 10 weeks, but if I can do it before that, even better as I have a trip to San Francisco in May and would like to be able to get around better than I am today.  That would mean losing more than 2 pounds a week, but I can give it my best try.  I also desperately need new clothes, and REFUSE to get new clothes in my current size.  I am also still waiting for my wedding ring to fit again, but nothing new there. 

Here’s to the upcoming weeks full of healthy food choices and bumping up the exercise!

Hot Tubbing with Strange Men

This last week we decided we would change things up a bit and try going to the gym Mon /Wed /Fri so we could get 3 days in.  Monday, I worked on weight machines and totally kicked my butt.  It's been a while since I have done any of that stuff and boy did I feel it.

Going on Tuesday and Thursday, my mom in law and I have taken for granted that no body else is there in the mornings and we pretty much have the pool, hot tub and sauna to ourselves.  This wasn't the case on Wednesday.  There was a guy already swimming in the two lane pool and so mom changed and went to work out, and I had to swim since I was wearing my bathing suit under my sweats.

Swimming with a stranger in that little two lane endless lap pool was awkward to say the least, and not nearly as fun as swimming with my MIL.  I mean, I'm not a terrific swimmer, and swimming in endless lap pool is swimming against a current ranging from 500 to 1200 psi (depending on where I set it), and so when I say I am going "drowning" I'm not really joking.  And swimming next to someone who actually looks like they know what they are doing made me all the more self conscious.  Finally the guy got out and I was able to swim in peace.  Then, a very tattooed man came out and got in the hot tub.

My very favorite piece of gym equipment at Pavitt's is the hot tub.  I look forward to my 10 minutes of total relaxation in the hot tub every day I go swimming.  There is nothing better.  Except when I have to share it with strangers... especially, scary, tattoo covered, men.  Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people with tattoos... I have one, my husband has one... but...well,  people that are literally covered in them... well, they kinda scare me.  And the kind of tattoos this guy had... well, they were kinda gang -ish.  Add to that my being EXTREMELY self conscious to begin with and (Hello!  325 lbs in a swim suit - yikes!!), well... it made that huge -probably could seat 8 people comfortably- hot tub, seem REALLY small.  I made an ice breaker comment that he chuckled at and then closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was there by myself.  He was perfectly nice, and every time I opened my eyes to look at the clock he was looking down and away, so I shouldn't have been bothered, but it was still weird.  Sitting in a Jacuzzi is something I have only ever done with friends and family so that was just strange...I know!  I know!  What should I expect in a public place, but we've been spoiled the last few months with having the place to ourselves.

I still would rather NOT hot tub with strangers.

Needless to say we didn't go on Friday.  My kids didn't sleep that night so I had no desire to get up at 5 and neither did my MIL, thank goodness.  So, we still haven't made it to the gym 3 times in one week.  It shouldn't be so hard, and I am determined to make it 3 times a week in April.  I think I can!  I think I can!

Weigh in tonight was okay.  I have lost 4 lbs... so I'm finally back down to where I was before I gained that previous two weigh ins.  This week my goal is to eat more zero point foods (fruits and veggies) and I am going to up my water intake since it's been dwindling.

Everyone gained this week...

So, I just got back from my weekly weigh in.  Disturbing to say the least.  I've been following my plan, bumped up the exercise, and gained 2.7 lbs.  Yeah, I said gained.  It's okay though... I'm not going to let it get me down. I'm not going to use it as an excuse to go face down in a bag of fresh, yummy, green onion cheddar rolls at 5 PointsPlus each, (I'll get you the recipe if you want it) I'm not going to get all depressed and throw my new lifestyle out the window.  I'm going to hold my head up high, and blame it on water retention and extra muscle.  Yeah.  Extra muscle, that's it!

Probably the worst part about tonights weigh in was the guy from the Juneau Empire.  He said, "Oh, no worries! EVERYONE gained this week."  I said everyone??  "Yeah, everyone gained this week... except that one guy that lost 10 pounds."  WHAT???!!!  Thanks.  Thank you very much.
 
After dinner I guess I'll play a couple extra rounds on Just Dance 2.  I'll feel better after that.  Next weigh in though... It's on!

Exceeds Maximum Weight Limit

Exceeds Maximum Weight Limit… words smaller people need never concern themselves with, but words that have pretty much ruled my life the last 5 or 6 years. 

There are so many things small people take for granted like, not worrying if the folding camp chair will collapse beneath you and send you flying into the bon fire, not worrying the entire 45 minutes of standing in line for a totally awesome roller coaster, whether you’ll be able to buckle the safety harness or be the one that has to get off before the ride has even begun.  Not worrying about whether or not the seat belt in your friend’s car will go around you… there’s more, and I’ve experienced them myself.  But I’m looking forward to the time in the not so distance future, where I don’t need to worry about this anymore.

I’ve been thinking for the last week or so about major mile stones to add to my weight loss success story that don’t involve just the weight loss number.  Two big ones have been standing out: wearing my wedding ring again, and not getting a rejection sign from my Wii fit. 

It’s not funny!  I get a rejection sign from my Wii fit and it is really ticking me off.  Supposedly there is a 330 lb weight limit, so I should be able to use it… but it’s still not working!  Argh!  I hope that it’s just some weird fluke and one day when I get on it, it will decide it doesn’t need to reset its software.  (If any of you have any tips for me about how to reset this… PLEASE let me know)

And the wedding ring thing… I’m close, so very close!  I can put it on, but can’t wear it for long before my finger swells up and I take it off because I’m nervous about not being able to get it off…ever.  So, I’ll just have to keep wearing the fake jobbers I have until then.  Don’t worry, the day I can wear it without my finger turning blue, ya’ll will be the first to know.

So, this last week wasn’t fantastic.  I gained 0.8 lbs.  But considering all the quantities of not-so-good-for-weight-loss food I consumed, I’ll take it.  It could have been a lot worse.  And you know what?  I’m over it.  This week I’m doing better, and I’m cranking up the work outs, eating healthy, having some fun on Friday, and I’m expecting to at least have lost another pound by next Monday’s weigh in.

Points for me

The other day I was playing house or restaurant or something with my little one.  She would bring me piles of play food, and I would in turn pretend to eat it.  This goes on for a while.  Then she brings me this sandwich.  The play food is so realistic!  I took a look at it and thought, “This is going to use up too many points!”  It looked good.  3 slices of white bread, layered with bologna, salami, lettuce and cheese.  There was probably some pretend mayo on it as well.  Can you say points nightmare?!  Using the sandwich-stacking strategies on weightwatchers.com I calculated that beautiful sandwich as having 27 points.  Half my daily point allowance!  Good thing it was pretend, and I only had to pretend to eat it.

I'm still here

So, I haven't blogged in a while.  There was a 3 week span where I wasn't loosing any weight, and I was sad, depressed, discouraged, frustrated... you get the idea.  The last thing I wanted to do was blog.  Bloggity, blog, blog-blog!!  Then, I lost 6 pounds!  It almost made the last 3 weeks worth it... almost.  I went to blog about my excitement and blogger wouldn't work for me.  Lame.

My back is feeling better and that is awesome!  I'm still a gimp because of my hip, but I can deal with that.  My clothes are fitting again and that is also... awesome!  lol  My house is in better shape because I feel better, and it's easier to keep it picked up.  And my kids are happier because if mom is happy, everyone is happy!

So, I am still here... munching my celery sticks, drinking my water, chugging along, drowning myself every Tuesday and Thursday morning at Pavitts endless lap pool, and generally felling better about... well, everything.  I may not be loosing tons of weight, and feel silly every Monday weighing in for the Lose2Win contest, but that's okay.  I'm not going to win a thousand dollars, but that's not why I signed up for the contest anyway.  I've decided if I loose 1 or 2 lbs a week, than that would be cool.  50 to 100 lbs in a year, that's nothing to scoff at.  And losing it slow, and a healthy, non crash diet way will keep it from creeping back up on me.

My tonsils are floating...

My last weigh in wasn’t fantastic.  I gained .4 oz.  Very discouraging!  I think there are a couple factors, but a big one is that I’ve not been drinking enough water. 

Water.  H2O. Agua.   However you say it, it is the weight loss beverage.  It is actually the beverage of choice for me, but the glacial water that flows from my tap is a tad cold for my poor stomach to handle at times. 

How much is enough?  Well, I understand I should drink half my body weight (in oz) of water every day, and more when trying to lose fat.  This keeps the intercellular water higher than the water on the outside of your cells which is ideal.  But when you are my size that is a lot of water: 168.5 oz to be exact. That is 1.32 Gallons.  YIKES!  I’m floating just thinking about it. 

It can be done, I’ve done it.  Some days it is easy and other days, not so much.  And, once you do it a couple days you really don’t spend as much time in the bathroom since your body gets used to it.

We have these huge cups that, when filled to the brim hold 1 quart.  That’s four 8 ounce glasses.  I’m supposed to drink 5 of these a day.  So far today I’ve had 2.  Wish me luck…  Bottoms up!

Oh, and those wondering about the tonsil comment, my dad used to say it when I was a kid and we were skiing or boating and he had to go.  I always thought it was hilarious.  Mostly because he (like myself) didn't have tonsils.

Lose2Win2011

I'm all registered.  Who wants to do it with me?
http://www.juneauempire.com/lose2win/

It's free to enter, there are weekly $50 value prizes for highest % weight lost and the final prize is $1000!
Men compete against the men, and the women compete against the women.
Sounds like a win-win to me!  Come on Juneau Peeps!  Lets do it!

Ah Ha!

On New Years Eve I had a major Ah Ha moment.  You know, we all have those – Holy Crap! moments, that usually will stun us into action regarding one thing or another.  Well, mine happened while looking at a photograph.

Don’t we all love the digital age?  Pictures instantly through technology!  What an amazing time we live in.  We can snap a picture and instantly see it on our camera, and as soon as we slip that XD card into the computer tower we can see it on our big computer screens.  What fun times- NOT. 

New Years Eve I had the brilliant idea to have a silly face contest.  It was fun, and I got to see a new crazy side to some of my best friends.  Unfortunately for me, I got to see a side of me that was not cool, fun or silly.  It was, my Ah Ha! moment.

See this picture?  Of course you do.  It’s pretty eye catching.  My hubby’s best friend is making a pretty interesting face.  I believe he was a runner up in the contest.  But when I saw this picture for the first time I was horrified.  Horrified, because there in the background, clear as clear is my HUGE behind.  I literally threw up in my mouth a little bit.  I think the camera actually is focused on it, and not on our friend’s silly face.  YIKES!  You know that part of the Emperor’s New Groove where Yzma is changed into a kitten and says “Is that my voice?  Is that MY voice?!!”  Well, that’s what I was thinking about my butt when I saw it this picture the first time and now every time after.

I am very sorry to bring it to everyone’s attention.  Because, now when any one of you look at this picture that is probably all you’re going to notice, and I really do apologize.  But this was one of the things that stunned me into action, reminded me that I needed to do something.  I need to post it for me.  I need to post it as a reminder of what I’m going away from.  So as time goes by and I loose more and more weight, I will have my hubby take another picture of my behind.  And, I’ll give you all fair warning if I decide to post it.

How I got huge

I’m big boned.  It’s true!  I have always been big boned.  Don’t believe me?  Well… I don’t blame you.  I’ve been overweight my entire life.  As a kid I remember going to well child check ups and hearing the doctor tell my mom, “She’s healthy, just overweight.”  Yeah, that did wonders for my self esteem growing up.  Unfortunately that mantra from the doctor still hasn’t changed. And on top of that I can think of only a couple years of my life when I felt comfortable in my own skin. I was still what the world considered fat, but oh how I wish I were that fat again.

So, how did I get from fat to morbidly obese?  Let’s see, where to begin…  I have always had a slow metabolism, and loved food.  That alone is trouble.  Add to that exercise induced asthma, my bone and joint problems, and the fat keeps adding up.  I have arthritis in my knees, hips and lower back, hip dysplasia, and little or no cartilage in my knees due uneven wear caused by the dysplasia.  I had at least 3 separate major injuries to my back that don’t help matters either… but all excuses aside I’m fat because I love food and don’t exercise enough.  No blame, I’m the one that lifted the fork – no one made me.

I grew up in Utah.  A place that cranks out the cookie cutter, Barbie doll figured women, with the same hairdos, makeup and personalities.  The girls get degrees in Family Life and Relations Studies, or Home Economics, and play the dating head games, and usually win.  Uh, Yeah.  That SO wasn’t me.  I was big and loud and down right scary.  I got my degree in Automotive Technology, and I’d be willing to bet that the few guys that ever asked me out were probably looking for a free oil change. 

I had a mind of my own and felt like everyone should know it.  Most of that was the stigma that came with being fat, and I over compensated BIG time.  I was a whopping size 12 in college.  Bigger than 98% of all the roommates I ever had.  Then a beautiful thing happened; I moved to Alaska.  In Alaska I was hot stuff.  Guys checked me out, and flirted with me.  That was new.  One day I was riding a bus to work and a lady asked me if I was a model.  I began to laugh hysterically and when I finally calmed down, I asked her if she meant a plus size model.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  She was being serious.  They sure are different here in Southeast Alaska.

Driver's License Photo from when I moved back to Alaska

The bad thing about moving to Alaska was that there were no places to go dancing, and a gym membership was $75 a month.  I went from working out 1 or 2 times a day (and a $12 a month gym membership) and country dancing 2 or 3 times a week, to nothing.  I rode my bike and went hiking and things, but that was not enough.  Two more back injuries and a midnight shift job later, my system and my body were totally screwed up.  Add to that a boyfriend (now husband) that had an even screwier schedule, dates at 1 or 2 in the morning where family sized pizzas were consumed, and bam!  I had suddenly gained 100 lbs in a year.  I gained another 60 lbs when I was pregnant with my eldest, and never managed to loose it.  I actually lost weight when I was pregnant with my second child, about 30 lbs, but promptly gained it back plus some when I was done with breast feeding.

Me shortly after the birth of my youngest

That brings me to today.  Almost two and a half years after the birth of my youngest.  The biggest I’ve ever been in my life, unable to conceive another child, and in the most pain I’ve ever been in.  It’s time to take a stand for myself.  Just working out at the gym isn’t helping as I’m limited due to back problems and what not, and so I’ve joined weight watchers online.  I’ve used the weight watchers program before and did pretty well.  They’ve changed the program a bit, but in the first week I lost 8 lbs and felt like I was constantly eating.  Weight Watchers works for me because I don’t have to eliminate any types of food.  I just need to keep track of points.  I get a lot of points, 52 right now.  I can eat all the fruit and vegetables I want as most are zero points.  It also helps that I have to track what I eat.  I seriously think before finishing off the kids left over nuggets, or about licking the spoon on something I’m making.

My first weight loss goal is 5% of my body weight, 332.5 lbs.  I have about 5 more pounds to lose before I reach that goal.  My next weigh in is Sunday, so hopefully my second week will be as successful as the first.

It is slightly horrifying for me to put this all out for the world to see.  Not that they can’t already see that I’m huge, but to actually put my weight.  Seeing that number in print is as scary as seeing that number on the scale.  It’s embarrassing, but I’ll get over it.  I need everyone to know to help keep me accountable, and help keep me in check.  I’ve also read that people that blog about their weight loss loose more weight than those who don’t, so that is also a good incentive.  My goal is to blog at least once or twice a week, so here it goes.