I've been writing. No, I really have. I have just been keeping it to myself. My journal writing has been dark, depressing... and sadly, true. I don't think I purposefully try to keep on a smiling face. Pretend that I am okay and that everything is fine. It's obviously not. It's just that I don't know what's okay to put out there. I already feel like I've lost friends because of my health issues...maybe they weren't really that great of friends. But I don't want to push it with the 8 people that read my blog. How much do you REALLY want to know? I am hurting badly, both physically and emotionally.... and there isn't anything I, or anyone for that matter, can do for me that they aren't all ready doing. I'm in the middle of this terrible waiting game and I'm really tired of playing. Really. Tired.
On a positive note I have a really great ward family, esp Relief Society president and bishop. Every month I will have a weight loss partner. Someone to challenge and support me so long as I do the same for them. This month it's the Relief Society president. She is beautiful, and strong, and in fantastic shape, but like she told me (and I agree) who doesn't need to loose 5 lbs. 5lbs, that's it. She challenged me to lose 5 lbs with her during the month of July. I have lost 3 lbs since the last time I weighed in. Hopefully this added accountability will be enough to help me past this current plateau.
